Recovering from a grim situation of bickering, arguing, and fault-finding is quite complicated and tiresome. Sometimes, it’s hard to get back to the way it used to be; but with a lot of help from marriage counseling, it’s possible.
When my relationship went through a rocky path, the struggle to bring back the happy times we had before, during the early stages, was challenging. In the course of time, my partner and I have managed to put things in perspective and identify what matters to us. Eventually, we got to surpass our agonizing past by creating meaningful memories together. Because Dr. Mitch Keil, clinical psychologist said, “It is a healing process that allows people to not only start feeling better but gain insight, awareness, and ultimately begin trusting their intuition and experience.”
What I realized is that recalling the past does not help the present. However, there is a way to rekindle the fire and restoring specific interests and hobbies that we’ve engaged in before all the chaos in our lives happen; thus, we’ve written a new chapter in our lives through our rekindled activities.
Take My Advice
Aside from our therapists, we’ve also consulted a couple of online counseling centers. Here are a couple of hobbies that my partner and I have started doing which made significant contributions to our harmonious relationship.
- Try Your Partner’s Hobby
Pick at least one pastime that your partner enjoys doing and do it together. In this way, you are both performing two hobbies together instead of doing one separately. Aside from enjoying time doing what they love, significant others will also know more about their partners – what invigorates them, what they are passionate about, and what makes them feel fulfilled.
Furthermore, if they are in an environment they’re comfortable with, the person will open up to talk about something connected to the hobby that has never been divulged before; this will make you understand your partner in a new light.
- Drive for Days
Going on a road trip has many benefits. Aside from the apparent time off from work and life, it also allows you to discover attitudes and behaviors that your partner has never shown before – be it negative or positive; this is another way to uncover details about your partner that he or she has never demonstrated previously in the relationship.
- Exist in Silence
Silence can be quite uncomfortable for a lot of people. Though no words are spoken, silence says a lot. You can assess the depth of your relationship by just sitting together in an environment of tranquility. Some of the most successful unions are formed not through words but in the company of each other’s wordless conversations. If you are comfortable with a person’s words, you must also be comfortable with a person’s speechlessness.
- Solve Puzzles Together
To gauge a relationship’s durability on potential issues that lie ahead, work on puzzles; do this with no distractions whatsoever. If you already have kids, wait for them to fall asleep. Puzzles reveal a person’s inherent problem-solving skills. Also, you learn how to cooperate and give way to each other’s opinions on how to find a way through a predicament. Together, you will find out how one’s strategies fit with the other. Marjie L. Roddick, MA, NCC, LMHC once said, “Reading, doing challenging puzzles such as crosswords or Sudoku, debating issues with others who have opposing viewpoints, learning a new language or musical instrument, trying a new hobby, or teaching and tutoring others are all ways to maintain or improve your intellectual wellness.” Therefore, it is a good thing to do.
If you want to amp it up, you can also try Legos and other forms of toys that require building. This kind of activity is fun and therapeutic because both of you will find out how well you work together in creating something from nothing; that’s pretty much like life.
- If You Can’t Say It, Write It
Words are sometimes difficult to construct. And sometimes, when you feel like communicating something, a particular situation comes up, and you’ve lost the opportunity to express how you feel. Once the moment passes by, you have failed to say what you need to say and it will become a burden. Communication is a critical component in a relationship. If words are hard to tell, write them down instead. Have an open notebook inside your room where you can easily see. It’s like a log book of thoughts and feelings. Make it a habit of writing something down whether it’s a good thing or a bad thing.
Ryan Mebust – LMFT says, “We all experience obstacles in life that keep us from feeling and being whole. Many have found counseling as a way to invest in themselves, their relationships, or their families in order to support a better or new meaning on life.” Yes, relationships are complicated and saving yours can be quite tricky. But know this, there is always a way to rekindle the fire that has worn out. You just need to find something that works for both of you and start from there.