The moment I realized I have been dealing with depression this whole time, I panicked. Negative thoughts rushed in, and there are tons of what-ifs. I was in a mental health crisis, for all I know. Everything was too overwhelming, people are too damn annoying, and I can’t seem to find the right attitude to fit in the day. I was entirely out of my senses. Fortunately, before I went crazy and lost control, I decided to undergo counseling. I know it was not a great option at that time, but I was glad I engaged with it.
I Was Able To Explore My Issues
On the day of my first counseling session, I expected myself to understand my concerns immediately. There was this mentality that before going in there, I first have to know what’s bothering me all this time. But you see, that is the problem with mental health. Sometimes, I can’t figure out what is going on. I know that I am not okay and that I am suffering from something no one genuinely understands.
It is a good thing counseling managed to help me with that. A quiet few moments of silence and deep thoughts allowed me to explore my inner issues. From there, I came to realized that I was emotionally bothered with my social relationships. The whole thing enlightened me and showed me that the things happening to me are caused by rejection and criticism. But not just ordinary people. These are individuals I entrusted my whole life with. These people failed me big time because they brought toxicity and negative vibes to my life.
I Was Able To Talk About My Past Openly
Those people who knew me would agree when I say that I am a forgiving person. I don’t usually talk about stuff, especially if that already happens in the past. For me, digging something that should have been forgotten will only lead to sadness and lots of disappointments. Thus, as much as possible, whether things are okay or not, it is much better to stay in the past.
However, the problem with that was my inability to resolve past issues. I do not want to talk about what went wrong before because I am afraid to handle reality, which is the truth. Fortunately, counseling made me look at that ideology differently. Counseling ensured that looking through my past and talking about it was one way to deal with its unresolved issues and eventually heal.
I Was Able To Troubleshoot
I can count all the days were I stumbled and failed with my relationships with others. I must say, I am not that good when it comes to social connection. I get distracted easily, especially when individuals I cared about didn’t appreciate me as much as I do. I get too overwhelmed with people who kept on telling me they care, but they completely do not. I easily get disappointed for not being part of these people’s world because I believed I should be.
With counseling, I realized that I needed myself more than I needed others. Yes, it would feel like heaven when people appreciate you. However, I began to think that I do not need their appreciation anymore. If that was a thing I can only obtain by sacrificing my emotional and mental health for them, it was not worth it. I needed myself more than I needed their approval. Counseling made me realized that I could choose to live happily alone instead of trying to fit in other people’s unappreciative world.
I Was Able To Understand My Counselor’s Goal
Opening up to a stranger was not my thing. I always felt that it was too damn hard to do. Perhaps that was due to this mentality where I get stuck with “I do not want to be judged or criticized. “ I have this fear that when someone finally knows what’s going on, he would immediately tell the world how stupid I was for letting that happen. At some point, I don’t want people to see me as weak and vulnerable because I wanted to be seen as someone who can manage to deal with everything despite being alone.
I was at the core of trusting the process, but I don’t know where to start. But then, counseling made me realized that I was wrong. It showed me that I was harsh to myself for not wanting any assistance of all sorts. Counseling made me realize that my problems are not something I should deal with alone, and my counselor was right about that.
I was so satisfied that the counseling process was not that stressful. I somehow felt like it was the best thing I did this entire time. Yes, it is not perfect, and its results vary. But I like how it affected my overall well-being.